Hello my lovelies and welcome to blogust day twenty one! I hope everyone is well and has had a good start to a brand new week and welcome back to another instalment of Mindful Mondays here on my blog. You'll all be pleased to know I have had a much better Monday than last week and I'm in a much more positive mood.
For the past couple of weeks you guys will know that we've been talking about Connor Franta's book note to self. So obviously we're going to talk about it again this week. If you follow me on Instagram and viewed my story (very late) last night then you'll know that I've officially finished the book. It really didn't take me long to read at all. It's taken me literally just two weeks - for some of you that might seem like forever but that is actually pretty good for me. I'm gonna say it now before we get into properly discussing the book, this is honestly one of the best books I have ever read and we're gonna get into why in a moment. But it's just so relatable and I honestly think everyone can read this and more importantly should read this because it will seriously change your outlook on your life.
So firstly, the concept is simply open to whoever reads it which to me is why it is so relatable. Now don't get me wrong, obviously there are sections in it that don't necessarily directly relate to me. For example the chapter titled 'the other side of the closet' which is about Connor coming out and being true to himself. But, even though the initial reasoning behind him writing that certain section is about coming out; when reading it you can easily feel empathetic towards what he is saying and relate to it on a level of being open with people about who you are. And that doesn't necessarily have to be about opening up about your sexuality which is what Connor has written it for. It can easily relate to opening up about how you feel about certain things which I do a lot with my friends and recently I actually did it with my parents. And you know what, I feel a lot better for it. Opening up about my feelings to people has always been something I find hard and even though I know that I'll never fully divulge into the full extent of certain things with everyone and how that element, whatever it was, affected me on a personal level; it does feel good to tell whoever it may be about something that has been getting you down or that you don't agree with etc.
But that's what I like about this book. Even though the experiences spoken about in the book are Connor's, you can easily relate it to parts of your own life as you're reading it because the majority of this book is about life experiences and the feelings and the growth that comes with those life experiences.
I absolutely love this entire book but I figured if I spoke about every single page then we'll be here all night long. So I'm going to speak about the sections I could really relate to and the ones that really touched me and one of those sections was this one titled 'to my dearest past.'
Honestly this section hit me right in the feels. I was on the verge of full on balling my eyes out and I'm not going to lie, I did actually shed a few tears. I think the reason it hit me so much was because we all have a past where we've all had our own struggles and faced our own challenges that we feel like no one else goes through. Yes we all are walking down our own path and are on the journey to figuring out who we are. But this section highlighted to me that we are all in the same boat. We might be going through different things and experiencing our emotions on different levels. And at the time it will more than likely feel like that we can't talk to any of our friends because they wont "understand." The letter itself is quite long as he mentions before he starts the letter it's for across his stage of life from 12-22. I can't explain the whole letter, but essentially it talks about the changes of growing up and morphing into the person you're meant to be. Through that Connor talks about his life and his experiences up till now and it just made me realise how much we all don't really know what we've been through. I always say you never know how far you have come until you look back and when I think about my life from 12-20 it is insane how much I've grown and changed as a person. I've shared a lot of my teen experiences with you guys and all of the hard times I have been through and I look at where I am right now and how good my life has been over the last few years. I feel like everything I went through as teen, even though some of those years of my life were so full of hate, was all worth it when I think of where I am now. When I was going through my darkest moments at the ages of 14-16 it was honestly the hardest years of my life and I got to a place where I never want to be ever again because it was so unhealthy and it still sometimes makes me feel a bit emotional to this day. At the time I thought I'd never be happy again and I'd be stuck in that loop forever and I really thought it would never get better. And the hardest moment for me was expressing how I felt about everything and having the courage to be open and honest and put a stop to all of the shit I was going through. Honestly I am so grateful that my little self at 15 years old had the courage to do that because 20 year old me today is so thankful to her. Without me doing what I did for myself I really don't think I would be who I am right now. Even though what I went through was really hard and hateful, looking back today I realised I needed it to go through that to learn how to stand my ground and learn how to tell people how I felt and it gave me a push to be who I want to be.
Reading Connor's letter to himself made me realise how much growing up we all actually do from the teen years. At that age you never think those things you go through are going to affect you like they do. Most of the time I reckoned this was just normal teen life and this is how life is right now and it will go away one day. But it is crazy how those things I've been through are still apart of me today. And you guys will never truly know how much I have changed as you haven't experienced every part of my life with me even though I've shared a lot of it with you. But the one thing I would have to say to past me is simply thank you for being so brave. Thank you for having the courage to stick up for yourself and stay true to who you are and even though people tore you down and ruined your spirit. You still found away to rise back up again and rebuild your spirit and shine with that sparkle from within which you're still doing to this day. 20 year old me is forever thankful and grateful to you for just letting it all fall into place because without that I wouldn't be sitting here the woman I have become and are still becoming. Thank you from the bottom of my heart because you don't know how much present me loves you for everything you have given me.
If you guys are currently going through the teen period of 12-20. All I can say to you is keep going because it will all make sense one day. I know it might not feel like it now but it will and the things I went through is living proof of that. Always be true to who you are and keep moving forward. I did a post a little while ago about my teen years and what it's been like for me growing up. Also my experiences and how I dealt with a lot of things growing up, so if you guys are interested and want to know more about my life or want some advice then click here to be directed to that post.
Memories are funny things. In this section Connor talks about how an unmemorable day is made memorable because and quote, "it was just a good day." I've experienced so many days similar to this, especially in the last few years. I don't necessarily always remember days but I remember moments. The most memorable moments for me are when things just happen naturally and spontaneously. One of my favourite moments and this is one I treasure a lot is actually from this year. I've spoken about it before in a previous post but at the end of my second year my year and I did a unit called performance practice where we put on a show in six weeks working as whole team whether you're cast or crew. We all really grew as a family and one of the days we were all really tired and getting snappy and our lecturer put on some music to brighten up our moods and have a bit of fun which worked wonders. But we were enjoying it so much and just living right then and there in that moment that we carried on. Nothing else mattered but that moment together. It felt like time didn't matter and work didn't matter but all that did matter was us being together. Nowadays I feel like it is so rare to just live every moment because of how fast paced all of our lives are. What we experienced on that day I felt like was a really rare moment in time where people put everything aside to come together and be together - no one was on their phones or sitting out, we all just bounced off each other's energy and lived. It almost felt like a scene from a movie; I feel like there aren't a lot of days like this one we experienced even though being on a drama course we always have fun because performing is our craft. But this moment in particular we weren't doing it for any other purpose than to live and be happy. To some of you guys reading this you might not get that and maybe it's because you've never experienced it yet. But to me, that moment will forever remain in my heart and probably one of my favourite memories from university.
Another example I can give is actually just simply spending time with people. So this year my friends Jen, Jess, Ethan, Andy, and I were together 24/7 because we pretty much picked all of the same subjects for second year and because of that we were in every lesson together. And you would think that the memories you remember most would be the days you go out together and do awesome things. Although those kinds of days make great memories, the moments I remember the most and look back on with a smile are the days when we sat in the canteen for hours just talking about whatever it was that came to mind and enjoying each others company. For me, just being with them and all of my other friends literally makes my day. I value those days so much as they're the days when you really get to know a person and have that level of connection which I feel like have individually with every friend I have. All of my friends will never know how much I truly value their friendship and how much I love them to the moon and back. Sometimes I pinch myself because my life has gone by so fast and I think how did I get this lucky to have a group of friends that just get me and finally have somewhere where I belong with people who love me for me with no judgement. The friendship groups that feel like a family are the greatest and I definitely feel that with my group of friends which I feel like is also really rare to find. Whatever I did to deserve them, I'm extremely grateful every single day for each of them and I can't picture my life without them now. I hope my fantastic five (Jen, Jess, Ethan, Andy, and I) as well as all of my other friends; I hope we get days like this again as I look back on them with a big smile on my face and my heart feeling full.
The final section of the book I am going to talk about this evening is this one titled 'don't waste it.' which is all about us as people wanting nothing but to grow up when we're younger and then when we're older wanting nothing but to be young again. We all know we've said this and then regretted it later. Connor doesn't only go on to talk about that but he also highlights how because of this mentality it means we never actually fully appreciate what we do have and always have battle with wanting what we can't have.
"Whether you're twenty one or fifty seven, life doesn't get easier the older you get. I'm willing to bet it boils over many times prior to simmering down again. And so my point is this: Don't waste your youth trying to grow up. Because there will come a time when all you'll do is yearn for the kind of naivete, blissful ignorance, and responsibility-free days that cushioned our younger years.
In our youth we are meant to make mistakes. Like it's almost our duty to mess up. How satisfying is that? Screw-ups are meant to happen; they teach us about right and wrong and, hopefully, build a constant reminder of "rights" for our futures. We need to fall on our asses - and, if you're like me, more than once - in our teenage years to better prepare us for adulthood. We endure adolescent difficulties to steel ourselves for the harsh realities of being a human in the world. And the luxury of youth is that most of us don't have to pay for, well, anything: clothes, food, rent, heat, air-conditioning, and those little chip-bag clips. Yup, even those cost money. EVERYTHING costs money, and money takes time to earn. SO much time.
You'll realise none of this when you're young, because it's not your job to understand yet. Your job is to go to a building for eight hours a day, five days a week, and learn about the world and it's complexities. How cool is that? I'll take it! I'll have what she's having! Give me YOUR job! Of course, it's only with the benefit of hindsight that I fully appreciate how incredible it is that we each have the opportunity to dedicate our lives, for a time, to school... and growing up. It's a privilege that goes underappreciated. I wish I had respected that more at the time, but cest la vie, I suppose.
On paper, yes, I am a legal adult. I live on my own, have a job, pay my bills, do my taxes... the works! But the catch is this: I most definitely don't feel like an adult... and I kind of like that. I feel lucky to have had this realisation while caught in two phases of my life. In fact I kind of hope to feel this way for the majority of my years. I'm forever young, happily suspended in the middle ground.
When that lady told me I was "old", (earlier in the chapter) I really shouldn't have freaked out, because it was a compliment. She saw me as a child but heard me as an equal. That's special... and rare. I've managed to chameleon my way through different social circles and adapt to whatever my surroundings are. Maybe one day I'll fully move on to adulthood and be content with that transition. Until then, I'm happy to enjoy the ride as the grandpa-child that I am, happily living each day at the age I am."
(Franta, C., Note To Self, 2017, p. 253-55)
Apologies for the extremely long quote but I didn't know how to sum it up any other way than what Connor already had in this chapter. I know that I definitely wished away my teen years and what doesn't help is after year 8 (for me personally) was when life just started to go by so fast. Sometimes I still can't believe I'm now 20 years old when I can remember being 16 years old like it was yesterday. Life grows you up so fast and I learned a lot through my teens but I definitely couldn't wait for school to be over. However, I always wanted to grow up to the point that I'm at now. I never wished my life away to the point of being 40 with 4 kids as of yet. But the main thing I was looking forward to was being this age now and experiencing life for me as it is only now where I feel like I am the true me even though I am still learning and growing everyday. I love the woman that I am and I can't wait to see where this journey of life takes her to in the future.
My girl Chloe and I were actually talking this evening about how quickly our lives have gone by. Whenever we meet we have a lot of fab deep life chats which we both love and it really hit us tonight that our last year of uni is coming and we really aren't ready for that to end. Uni is a bliss because you're still in the comfort of expanding your knowledge and learning life lessons whilst still being able to go out and live in your youth whilst you can with no rules and no one to tell you what to do. In my opinion that is why everyone should consider going to uni because it's not about the grades, at the end of the three years it's about the experiences you had and the opportunities you were given and most importantly the friends you made. I know those are things that will be treasured dear to my heart when the time comes this time next year. Our "future" is literally right round the corner and honestly right now it feels like we're going in blind. It's terrifying when you think about it because none of us truly know what will happen and where we'll end up. But then again I guess that's the beauty of life - you get taken on journeys to places you never thought were meant for you and then one day we'll all look back and realise why the universe made us take the path we did. Everything will come into full circle and we'll all realise why our lives panned out the way it did. A lot of my family are asking me what I'm going to do after uni and my answer to that is, "I don't know." However what I do know and can always rely on is that the universe in relation to all of our lives has a funny way of pushing you in the right direction and telling you where your heart is meant to go. I know through third year, I'll figure it out and whatever is meant to fall into place will. And even though I'm excited to see where I go in life and where all of my friends end up in life, whatever it is we do, I hope we're happy and that we love and live every moment of it. But as Connor said, right now I am "happily living each day the age I am."
I hope you guys know that wherever you are at right now is where you are meant to be and whatever that is just live in it. Life has a strange way of pushing you and pulling in all different directions and it is time we all appreciated and enjoyed the ride a lot more instead of wishing we could just hurry up and find that parking space.
Overall the main reason everyone should read this book is because it will change your outlook on your life. It doesn't matter the kind of person you are, somewhere along the lines we can all relate to this book because of the growth and experiences we've all had to shape us into who we are today. If you're 25 years and under this is the book you need to read. You guys already know I like to hopefully inspire some of you and I'm quite wise and open about all manners of different things. This book in particular made me realise more how important everything we all experience in life is. Whether big or small, in our life every moment matters. We take way too many things, people, and privileges for granted these days because of the way the world is that we live in. Let's be honest, we've all done it, I've done it for sure.
We should appreciate everything and everyone we have because we don't know when all that could just be taken away from us. We need to love and live in every element of our lives with a fire in our heart and soul because not everything will always last forever, whether you know one day something will come to an end or not.
From this moment on, let us all just live and experience everything in full, the good and the bad, the happy and the sad, the excitement and the disappointment, because all of that is going to make us who we are and who we are becoming.
I hope you all enjoyed today's Mindful Mondays post. I hope you all go out and buy this book because it's honestly amazing to the point that I can't express to you how much you need it in your life. Even though I've reviewed and analysed bits and pieces for you guys. It's one of those books you have to read for yourself to fully relate it to you 100% and when I say it will change your outlook on your life, trust me, it really will. And because of this I now really want to read 'A Work in Progress.'
I know last weeks challenge was to analyse yourself if you were comfortable with it. And now this week I'm going to challenge both of us, you and I, to write a letter to our past self and our future self. I am going to do both and share it with you guys in the next chapter of Mindful Mondays, the 28th of August.
Have you read 'note to self' or do you want to read it?
Have you read 'A Work in Progress' or do you want to read it? Let me know in the comments down below.
Thank you guys so so so much for reading and I'll see you all again tomorrow.
Love,
Katie
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