LIFESTYLE | 'How To' Feel Sexy

Hello my lovelies I hope you're all well and are having a lovely start to February. Personally when I think about February one word springs to mind: ASSESSMENTS. I have so many assessments coming up in just this one month it's quite scary but I know everything will work out how it is meant to. But I know for many other people when thinking about February two things come up: PANCAKE DAY and VALENTINE'S DAY. I do love both of these holidays but in relation to what we're talking about I figured Valentine's Day would make more of a link to the subject matter. 

Before we dive into this post, some of you might be wondering about the title for this post. For a while now I've been wanting to do more advice posts in which you guys can learn how to do something or how to take something from me and apply it to your own life/ current goings-on (hopefully). But at the same time I didn't want to create a whole new series like Coffee Chats or Mindful Mondays etc, so this 'How To' series is like a mini series within the lifestyle category. I also would like to just point out that I am definitely not an expert in this area and potentially many other areas that will be involved in the upcoming posts of this mini series. However, my lifestyle advice style posts always seem to be the most popular on my blog which is why I want to create more of them and think of different subject areas of interest to create steps in order for you guys and myself as well to apply to our lives or life situations etc. So hopefully this series will benefit us both.

With all that out of the way let's get into the post. 

I suppose the first thing we need to define is what does that word, sexy, really mean? 

According to the dictionary sexy is defined as sexually attractive, exciting, or appealing. However according to Elite Daily they're talking about sexy in relation to women, but you can definitely make the connection to both men and women in their definitions. They state that sexy is; he or she is usually the main attraction at a bar and even though their presence may have to do with a physical characteristic, for example fuller features. But the majority of it has to do with their confidence, which we all know is the sexiest trait. The term sexy itself is pretty straight forward - it comes from a place of lust. Having said that, "sexy" doesn't just apply to the bedroom or a set of lingerie. Sexy could be a career driven individual which can easily be as sexy as someone in a low cut top at a bar.

A person is sexy simply because they are sexy, not because of a type of clothing they wear or a physical feature they have.


Elite Daily have defined it pretty well in my opinion. But for me when I think about what is sexy or what makes a person sexy it definitely does all come down to confidence. Whether that is confidence in someones self, confidence in something they're doing, confidence in the way they talk about themselves or a subject matter they're passionate about etc. However I feel like the term sexy in relation to talking about yourself means something quite different entirely. For example when I look at someone and say they're sexy, it would relate to them being confident and desirable and presenting themselves well etc. But in relation to me, even though I feel confident in myself and I love who I am, I never really feel like I am desirable or sexy just because I've never explored that part of me in relation to someone else. Which brings us to the point of this post. All of these steps I'm going to share with you might not necessarily be what you expect. But these points whether you're single or in a relationship should hopefully all resonate with you guys some how. All of these are about our own confidence in ourselves because once we've got that, sexiness will naturally come out. 

When you're single feeling sexy and desirable can be hard because you don't have anyone to confirm those things for you. Even though you don't have to have someone else by your side to feel sexy and desirable, sometimes it's nice to be reminded. So here are a few things you guys can do to feel confident and sexy in your own skin. 


1. A for Effort

Putting effort into yourself and 'feeling confident about your appearance is the first step to genuine sex appeal' according to Eve Marx. Investing into yourself shouldn't be a difficult thing, you already know what you like, how you like to look, what you like to wear etc. Whether you like to wear figure hugging dresses or leggings and a cosy jumper as long as you feel confident and good in your own skin that is all that matters. Everyone should love who they are, the way they look, what they wear, and how they feel in relation to how they look and how they hold themselves etc. If you don't feel those things, then it's time to start investing in yourself. 

2. Touch Yourself 

Touching is one of the main powers of intimacy we have as human beings, it's something we always crave whether that's a touch from someone else or yourself. Really get to know your body by touching yourself and massaging your body all over from head to toe. Not only is that good for skin it's majorly beneficial for your self-esteem.

3. Read Something Racy 

'Erotic novels give women ideas. They respond to stories that fire their imagination' says Marx. Even though we are in 2018, I still feel like pleasure in relation to women is still a taboo subject and I really don't understand why that is the case. Yet we're in a society at the moment that definitely has sex but doesn't like to really talk about having sex and what they enjoy about having sex. Both women and men should feel free to talk about sex and sexual pleasure and what makes them feel good as often or as little as they want. And I feel erotic novels are definitely a way to engage in what you enjoy sexually. Needless to say that the Fifty Shades trilogy served me well as I went from a teen to a young adult when your hormones are all over the place. If you haven't tried reading an erotic novel, I'd highly recommend giving it a go. 

4. Treat Yourself to New Underwear

This is a point for both women and men but sadly there are no appealing photos of men's underwear. But, 'don't be scared to spend money on good lingerie.' Whether you're single or in a relationship, it will make you feel like a million bucks. 

I'll be honest with you guys this is something I really struggle with because I hate wired bras. I don't know what it is about them but I can't stand them, I much prefer to feel supported and comfy than uncomfortable all day long. It really annoys me because there is not any cute, beautiful, or sexy non-wired bras. They're just white, black, and nude. Don't get me wrong everyone always needs those colours of bra, but it really annoys me that just because of my personal preference I can't find any appealing looking bras. Another thing that annoys me is how they make bralettes in clothing sizes. I love bralettes, I think they're really beautiful and feminine but I can't wear them because they don't make them in bra sizes. My boobs are bigger than what bralettes are made for and that really pisses me off as it means myself and many other girls that have bigger boobs cannot wear them or wear them comfortably. Just a heads up, brands and clothing companies, you need to change this in the not so distant future. 

You may not think that underwear can make you feel good, especially when you're single. But for all my ladies reading, how good do you feel when you've got matching underwear on? Even if it's only you who sees it, how good do you feel in your head knowing you've got matching underwear on? When I have matching underwear on, especially a black bra with black panties, I feel so in control of myself and my life. The power of putting effort into the parts of yourself that people don't always see do major things for your confidence. 

5. Get in Touch with Your Body

Go and treat yourself to a relaxing massage with hot stones or a relaxing hot yoga class. One of the best ways to get in touch with your body and your inner self is by relaxation. Plus this is a great way for us to unwind in our hectic busy lives. 

6. Slow Down After a Shower/Bath 

We know a bath and a shower is already a relaxing/ chilled out process as it's one of the only things in life that most people experience on their own. Which means for a lot of people a bath or a shower is the only 'me' time they might get in the day. So a lot of people like to appreciate that time, I know that I do, especially when I get to have a bath. But why should that relaxation end the minute your body leaves the water?

 Whenever I get out of the bath or the shower I like to relax in my towel and just chill out. I don't like to rush to dry off or hurry to get my pyjamas on or get dressed if I'm having a shower in the morning. I normally watch/ listen to YouTube videos whilst I'm in the bath/ shower so when I get out I like to wrap my towel around me and carry on watching whatever video I was watching. Then when I'm ready I'll get dressed and carry on with whatever is left for the day. You guys should definitely give this one a try. 

7. Pleasure x2 

Double the time in everything you do as a way to relax as well as a way to be mindful to what you're doing. For example, when you're having a bath or a shower and washing your body wash over the same area a couple more times than what you would normally do. You'll be surprised at how good it makes you feel and how much it brings your attention to your body and how you feel about your body. Plus, it's not a difficult thing to do every once in a while. 

8. Light Up The Room 

'Candlelight casts a warm cosy glow over everything and everyone in the room and is so much more flattering than harsh light bulbs.' 

As I've grown up homeware has become a more dominant love in my life, especially candles. I feel like candles just tie a room together and I absolutely love scented candles, especially scents such as cinnamon, berry, nutmeg - warm scents. But whatever scented candles you're into they really set a mood when they're lit, especially in the evening and when you're in the mood they can really enhance the romance. 

9. Don't Try Too Hard 

We are sexual beings but we shouldn't be turned on all the time. Sexy feelings are supposed to be special. I feel like more often than not now a days time with other people is not cherished as much as it used to be. People and experiences get taken for granted all the time which is horrible but that is the reality of our society, especially in relation to sexual experiences with someone else. A lot of people just use sex as a throw away activity now as most people just have one night stands (if that's what you're into you do you) and don't want to be in a relationship with anyone because when someone else is in their immediate circle it means they have to make sure they consider their partner. 

But whether someone is in a relationship or not shouldn't change the fact of appreciating that special time for you to feel good with yourself or someone else. Next time you experience those feelings really appreciate what you're doing for yourself if you're making yourself feel good. And if you're in a relationship or just with someone else, appreciate what you're doing for your own pleasure as well as their pleasure. 

10. Reaffirming Reality Check 

As human beings we are conditioned to constantly feel bad about the way we look. So having a reality check can be good for you. Really look at yourself and think about what you really love about yourself. 

For example, a few years ago when I was about 16/17 years old even though I had things about my physical appearance I love and still do love now. All of the negativity I felt towards my body completely out weighed the positives. At that time I was still young and figuring out who I was and what I was into etc. Whereas now, 3/4 years on even though I do still have parts of my body that I don't like as that is just life, I don't let that dominate my perception of me anymore. So for example, I used to feel really unattractive because I wasn't slim as society definitely idolise what the "perfect body" type is. I'm still not slim now but I don't care anymore because I'm happy with who I am and how I look etc and if I wanna do something to make a change in myself it is for myself. 

11. Turn Off 

Your phone, TV, laptop etc. Just for a few minutes each day to unplug from the reality of life so it enables you to tune into yourself, slow down, and re-evaluate what's important to you. My favourite time to do this personally is just before bed as you're unwinding to go to sleep anyway. 

12. Splish, Splash, Let Yourself Have a Bath 

At least once a week if you can. Nothing beats running a foamy bath, add a bath bomb if you fancy, light some candles to set the mood, and submerge yourself in the warm tub. 'Sure it's a cliche. But it works.' says Elizabeth Lombardo. 

I love having baths, I personally prefer them more than showers because I feel like I can relax and warm up and enjoy me time in the bath. I love having either a foamy bath or a bath with a bath bomb in, shaving my legs. Then after the bath treating my skin to some body scrub/ moisturising cream to exfoliate and nourish my skin. All over body skincare I should do more often than I currently do, but when I do give myself the time and put the effort into myself it makes me feel fabulous. 

13. Love Your Skin 

Speaking of all over body skincare, something else I love to do to feel good about myself is facial skincare. After a bath or even a shower I like to do my facial skincare routine as it's good for my skin and when my natural face is looking lovely and healthy it makes me feel good. One thing I've mainly noticed from putting more effort into my skincare is the results I'm getting out of doing it which therefore makes me want to do it more. If you guys don't have a skincare routine or use skincare but not often enough to make a noticeable difference, I would recommend trying to get into a routine. I was in that boat before of wanting to use skincare but not knowing what to use at 19/20, so I dabbled about with trying different products that ended up working for me and I really enjoy using. Which now I try to stick to as often as I can with my busy uni schedule. If you guys don't have a skincare routine, I'd recommend giving it a chance and just trying products and seeing what happens as that is how I discovered my perfect skincare routine for my skin at this point in my life.

14. Sleeping Naked

Elite Daily make another feature in this post as they say sleeping naked is good for you because 'it improves your happiness, your quality of sleep, and will even get you laid more often.' 

They also go on to say the main benefits of sleeping naked are: you'll get way better sleep, you get to air out your body as you're naturally cooler at night, you'll feel sexier, you'll reduce your belly size, have a lot more sex if you sleep naked with a partner, you don't need a shower in the morning, and simply it's just easier. 

This is the only point that doesn't resonate with me personally. I have tried to sleep naked before as I've heard of the benefits but I don't know what it is about me, I'm just not comfortable with being naked when I don't need to be. So for example, when you engage in sexual stimulation with yourself or someone else you're doing that to make yourself feel good. Whereas when you're sleeping naked or trying to sleep naked, fair enough if it makes you feel good, but it doesn't make me feel good. I can lay in bed naked but I can't physically sleep naked. I don't know what the reason for that is but I find great comfort in wearing pyjamas. I just feel a lot more comfortable that way. 

For all of you guys who can or can't relate, I say whether you prefer sleeping naked or prefer sleeping with pyjamas on. Whatever makes you feel good about yourself do that because at the end of the day whatever way you feel best will bring out your confidence which will feed into sexiness. 

15. Talent and Passion 

Singers, actors, dancers, artists, creators, rock stars etc aren't traditionally attractive but there is a reason they are so damn sexy and desirable. It's their passion and their talent within what they do. There's major attraction towards people with ambition and goals as well as high skills for what passion they have. For example, in relation to myself as an artist and a performer, when I am performing my craft (singing, acting, dancing etc) nothing else matters because I am doing what I was born to do and what I am passionate about doing. Just watching someones face or mood light up when they talk about what they're interested in or what they enjoy to do is priceless. You can tell a lot about a person from the way they view what they do as well as how they view themselves in relation to what they do. There's nothing more attractive than someone who is passionate in their chosen area, whatever that may be. 

Well my lovelies, that is it for this post! I hope you enjoyed and could relate to some of the points shared across to you. Don't forget to let me know in the comments what you thought.

Even though I've decided to upload this around Valentine's Day that doesn't mean that these steps to feel sexy can't be all year round. I just feel around Valentine's Day, whether you have a partner or not, there is a lot of social pressure to be sexy and desirable which is why I thought it would link quite well. I also hope that this has related to both men and women reading as much as possible as well as my fellow singletons and readers in relationships. 

I do have other specific Valentine's related posts as well as some that are along the lines of Valentine's Day coming up so stay tuned for those my loves. 

As always lovelies don't forget to follow me on all of my social media so you can keep up to date with everything I am doing! You can follow me on Twitter @katielouj0hnson, Instagram @katiej0hnson, Pinterest @katielouj0hnson, and Bloglovin' @ Katie Johnson. 

Until then, I shall see you in my next post. 

Love,

Katie